Is This Right?
by xXxmorphinexXx
Summary: This is something like Keeping You A Secret. The main character, Isis, is the daughter of Holland and Cece, this story tells about two girls, Mandy and Isis, who have undying love for each other but Mandy could never bring herself to come out to people.
1. Prolouge

PROLOUGE:

What is love? If we all say that love is always right, never wrong-why do we judge when someone loves someone of the same sex? Those God-loving freaks, the ones who made people be the same, no, that wasn't right. God loves everyone, even the gays and lesbians. But even so, the people who always cared what people thought of them who were that way. The ones who were scared for their life to say that they are gay, the ones who walk down the hall in their school pretending to love the "right" person when the one they really want would be the one who everyone would judge. Always just out of reach, or maybe in their reach. You'd have to have guts to come out like I did, wear those shirts like I did, especially to be the only one who did that, the only one who was out. And you'd have to be really lucky, like I was, to fall in love with someone who was gay or lesbian when you were too. But not be so lucky when you would get together, care so much about each other and have that shattered when even though you were happy, they had to keep you a secret. You're the one who has to suffer-even though you may say its fine; you always want to hold hands with her down the hallway, you always yearn for something more.

Maybe if I had come out and told people that Mandy and I were together I could have avoided what happened to us. Maybe we would have lived the life we both dreamed of across the horizon, the place I dreamed of every night-where she and I would go together. But no-our life was about as imperfect as it gets. But I don't blame Mandy for wanting to keep us a secret; I blame myself for letting her.


	2. Chapter 1

PROLOGUE:

What is love? If we all say that love is always right, never wrong-why do we judge when someone loves someone of the same sex? Those God-loving freaks, the ones who made people be the same, no, that wasn't right. God loves everyone, even the gays and lesbians. But even so, the people who always cared what people thought of them who were that way. The ones who were scared for their life to say that they are gay, the ones who walk down the hall in their school pretending to love the "right" person when the one they really want would be the one who everyone would judge. Always just out of reach, or maybe in their reach. You'd have to have guts to come out like I did, wear those shirts like I did, especially to be the only one who did that, the only one who was out. And you'd have to be really lucky, like I was, to fall in love with someone who was gay or lesbian when you were too. But not be so lucky when you would get together, care so much about each other and have that shattered when even though you were happy, they had to keep you a secret. You're the one who has to suffer-even though you may say its fine; you always want to hold hands with her down the hallway, you always yearn for something more.

Maybe if I had come out and told people that Mandy and I were together I could have avoided what happened to us. Maybe we would have lived the life we both dreamed of across the horizon, the place I dreamed of every night-where she and I would go together. But no-our life was about as imperfect as it gets. But I don't blame Mandy for wanting to keep us a secret; I blame myself for letting her.

CHAPTER ONE:

I walked into school, thinking of her, like I always did. _Where is she?_I thought. Her. Mandy Xile. She was the girl I'd been crushing on for a long time, well I have been crushing on her for about a year, but before I had denied it, maybe because I believe you can only like one person at a time-but still every time I saw her name, I would get those damned butterflies. Another reason I denied it all those times was because she was one of the biggest bitches, later when I was thinking about it, I realized that everything was just an act, her friends would have probably ditched her as a friend, and she would have been friendless, except for maybe three of them, Taylor, Alice, and Megan. I swear-sometimes Taylor and Alice gave off that "I'm a lesbian"vibe. Mandy set off my gaydar worse than either of them. Walking into the cafeteria I spotted her, she was amazing, beautiful.

I'd talked to my mom's about her, asked them what I should do, since she set off my gadar I wondered if I should tell her how I feel. I remember this

_"Mom? Cece? I have a question about this one girl at school I like." I said walking into their room._

_ "Ooo! Whats the question? Who is she?" Cece said moving over to make room for me on their bed_

_ "What's up, honey?" My mom asked_

_ "So, there's this one girl, Mandy Xile, I really like her, but I'm not sure if she likes me back, or is she's even gay! I mean, she sets off my gaydar bad, but I'm too scared to take action on this!" I said_

_ "You like Mandy?! Her mother and I have talked! That girl seems like a snob when she's around her friends! I've been to their house, it's very rare that those bitches aren't there! But when they aren't she's the world's sweetest angel!" Cece squealed_

_ "Yeah-I get that but what should I do?! Doesn't she set off yours? I want to tell her, bad." _

_ "Just wait until she makes a move. Send her the carnations in February, talk to her sometimes, make friends with her" Mom said_

_ "Okay..." I said, unsure._

_ "It'll be fine, kiddo." Cece had said_

I jerked myself back to reality. Taking a glance at Mandy again, she was staring at me. I smiled, so did she. Butterflies, always. She was blushing, maybe she would like me, maybe I had a chance. I would make her love me, this would have to work.


	3. Chapter 2

"Isis! Get over here!" I heard my best friend Kaitie shout. I looked away from Mandy, unwillingly, and looked over to Kaitie. I heard Mandy's posse start to laugh. Ugh, that POSSE! The 'Bitch Posse' as we called them, before Mandy, there was Kittie, Kittie Lyre, the world's dumbest fucking blonde. I liked her for a long time, she was the fifth girl I ever liked, it had been two years after I figured out that I was a lesbian and I saw her and I couldn't get her out of my mind. There was always SOME drama going on between me and her, weather she was annoyed with me, said I was stalking her, and well, she hasn't exactly figured it out that we make fun of her and all her friends, (except Mandy, obviously), we had nicknames for all of them.

Kella Murk was the 'Ugly Man', Alice Marvin was either Triangle Girl, Bermuda Triangle, Pyramid Head or Mutated Monkey, (cause A. she had an oversized forehead and had triangles where her hair should have been on the sides of her head, it's hilarious and B. she's ugly as fuck.) Katharine Darda was SAB, which stands for Stupid Ass Blonde (she's stupider than Kittie!) Rose Boss was Bitch With Weird Eyes (it was actually an inside joke with my other best friend aside from Kaitie, Nicole, we were walking by her house and we didn't know it was hers and I said she had weird eyes and her mother was outside and started glaring at us, can you say Kittie Moment, much?), Patty Lard was either Fatty Patty, Ugly Boar, Fat Pig, Oinky Oinky, or just Fat Ass, Korena Lirk was the Bitchy Bitchy Bitch, or just BBB, Taylor Anna was Ugly Troll, Witch, Fake Blonde, or Ugly Bitch With A Wart On Her Nose (she has that too! It's exactly where a witch's would be too!) Amy Mina was Ugly Ass Bitch, or UAB, and lastly Meghan Murray was the Nice Bitch. Mandy was Gravity because I revolve around her and she's all around me, romantic right? We had other people who we didn't even bother to give a bitchy nickname to

I walked over to Kaitie and hugged her,

"Hey, dude, Mandy just smiled at me!" I squealed

"She's so in love with you…" Kaitie replied, butterflies. No, I didn't have that kind of luck…

"Nah…"

"Okay, but, guess what?" she said happily

"What?" I replied

"There's gonna be a new girl! I think her names like…Jacqui Ropey or something! But she's black, so looks like you're still left out."

Kaitie and Nicole were black, Kaitie was only half black though you would have thought she was white over the phone, but out of all my best friends one of them was white, and that was Jasmine Lockhart, the first girl I ever liked, and my first real love who I wasn't in a relationship with, also the person I fell hardest for.

"Oh joy, whatever, I'm still blacker than you on the inside." I replied as Nicole walked in the cafeteria.

"What now?" she said walking in

"Discussing how I am blacker than her personality wise" I said. Yeah, we came on like we considered race was everything, but that was just the way we act, in all honesty I can say none of us cared on anyone's race, religion, sexuality (obviously), or just their opinions in general. In fact chances are we're the least judgmental people you will ever meet.

"You sure enough are!" Nicole said. She was a year older than us, we were in seventh grade, but she was in our grade because she missed a whole bunch of school last year. Mandy and her friends were in my grade too. I glanced back over at Mandy again, she was staring at me; I blushed majorly. She was so beautiful.

"Earth to Love-struck Girl!" Nicole shouted "stop paying attention to Gravity, I am speaking!" I blinked at Nicole.

"Sorry, but she was staring at me!" I said.

"Okay! But listen to me! Okay…I am in love with…Ryan Topic!" she squealed

"NO…HIM? He's so…BLAH!" I said, even though I was friends with him…he just wasn't hot, which okay, I never went for looks, I just got lucky with Mandy, but he was just…actually if he lost the bad acne he'd be okay looking. But he was an amazing friend, I'd give him that.

"Mark the date! I am finally in love with someone! February 9th 2010!" she said. February 9th…that meant I have legitly liked Mandy for five months and 2 days. Yeah, I kept track, and that also meant I have not legitly and legitly liked her for a year and 1 month. Also kept track of that.

I reached into my pocket, feeling the money Cece gave me to get the flowers for Mandy for the Valentine's Day flower send out or whatever. I had eight dollars, so I could get her eight flowers. My heart pounded just thinking about her face when she'd get them…

"I will, it's a day in history, you fell in love. Woo hoo." I said blankly.

"I know! I wanna send a flower to him! Soo badly!" she said, giving me a look. Ugh, okay, I guess. I reached into my pocket and took out my lunch money and gave it to her. I didn't need to eat anyway, I was never hungry when lunch came around, I wasn't fat, defiantly not, I was skinny, I had boobs, I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't one if those girls who was obsessed with themselves, it was just a secret thing, I loved my body, it wasn't a sin. Not that I believed in God and Jesus and all that Bible shit. But I had a secret love for my body, I wasn't a slut, I wore low cut shirts sometimes, and really the only reason I loved my body so much now was because I used to be really fat, and I dropped it all.

I wasn't that pretty, I mean I cared about how I looked to Mandy but that's it. I wore make-up and straightened my hair and all that shit, but that was for my own sake. I wasn't ugly either, I was more average. The bell rang, and since me and Mandy had a locker next to each other, and thankfully no one had a last name that started with 'Y' so amazingly my locker was next to hers. My last name started with a 'Z' and hers an 'X' so I loved the alphabet system. I walked downstairs to my locker with her behind me; we always talked and walked to homeroom together. Best time of my day.

I spun in my combination on my locker while she approached her locker. I smiled internally.

"Hey Isis" she said. Butterflies, butterflies!

"Hey Mandy." I said back. I looked at her and smiled, she smiled too, beautiful.

"Are you gonna send flowers to anyone?" she asked. _Yeah, I have eight dollars in my pocket right now and they're all for you, so don't ask that question cause I can't lie right! _

"Yeah, just Jasmine, Kaitie, Nicole, and maybe my cousin, Iesha. How about you?"

"Yeah, not too many people, just Taylor, Alice, Meghan, Rose, and Patty. No one really special." She said, averting her eyes.

"Nice. I wasn't really planning it ahead of time, ya know. I mean I _was_ going to send one to Kittie, but that was awhile ago. So I just figured I'd send it to the people who matter." I said, okay now I felt bad, I pretty much said Nicole and Kaitie didn't matter, I'd use my lunch money tomorrow for them.

"Yeah, same. I mean I wasn't gonna send it to anyone at first but then my mom gave me money for it and I'm just like what the fuck ever. Are you going to the Valentine's Day dance?" she asked. Shit! The dance! That was in three days! I'd have to ask mom and Cece. Again.

"Shit! I totally blanked on it. I'll have to ask my mom." I said and hit myself on the head, not hard. But hard enough to hurt my cut that I had just gotten my stitches taken out of. I had a flashback:

_We were all laughing, running around. All I could hear was Mada's laughing, it was music. We were looking around for people to get us alcohol, it was just me, Mada, and Muraski, and Mada knew people, we ran into her friend William on the street, he was over 21 so we were good. He came out with raspberry vodka, beer, wine, and cigarettes. _

"_Win" we all said together._

"_Lets go back to my house, no one's home, not that it would matter if anyone was." Mada said. My stomach got that same feeling it got every time I was about to get drunk, kind of like butterflies, but not quite. We all started walking back to Mada's, chattering mindlessly. Finally, we got to her house, we walked into her room, and I grabbed the vodka and they grabbed whatever they could get. I unscrewed the lid and chugged it. It burned all the way down and I could feel myself begin to fly away from reality as we laughed together and said our drunken words. _

"_Isis! Give me the vodka, you can have the beer." Muraski said and I stumbled over to her and gave her the vodka and she gave me the rest of her beer, which I downed in about thirty seconds, there wasn't that much left, and grabbed another bottle from the 12-pack._

"_Hey Villiammm…gimme thee ciggyyysss!" I sputtered after I was done and threw the glass bottle against the wall. The glass shattered every where, William threw the Camel Wides at me and I grabbed one and threw it to Mada, missing horribly, and her going the wrong way to get them, we all busted out laughing while she fumbled around on the floor. _

"_Ewhhggg, I vannttt them jointyyss!" she muttered._

"_Hey vumbass! They're cigyyss!" Muraski said and laughed louder. "Ohh fo shizzle! This wodka is walll outt! Taste that wraftt Mada's wall!" she said and threw the glass at the wall I was sitting under, one of the glass shards, the biggest one, sliced my hairline open and my forehead started to bleed uncontrollably, luckily William was sober, so he ran over to me and pushed something to the cut. _

"_Okay! Drunkies, run upstairs and get food! We need to take her to the hospital, she's really bad._

"_Fuckaroosss!" Mada said and ran out the door, not before running into the wall. They came down with a bunch of chocolate and preztles, nothing alcoholic, to make me sober I guess? Or sober me up. I didn't really feel any pain in my head, maybe from just getting drunk. They shoved the food down my throat basically, and William took out his car keys. Where the fuck did a car come from? They rushed me out, Muraski called mom and Cece. They would be able to tell that I was drunk. Mom would be so disappointed in me and Cece wouldn't wanna look at me…my brother would kick my ass too! He'd be pissed! Three stitces was all I knew, I didn't even remember the talk mom and Cece gave me…_

"Isis! Are you okay?" I heard Mandy say suddenly.

"Huh? Oh sorry, I was just thinking about something that happened awhile ago. Sorry." I said great. Now she'd think I was crazy. Ugh whatever.

Mada was a girl I was in love with for about two months; I went to Hawaii with my brother, Cece, and mom once a year. I had met Mada my first time and she and I had been close friends for awhile, I never had feelings for her until the most recent time I was there. I had lost my best, best friend, Naomi, because I let Mada change me so much. I came so close to loosing Kaitie and Nicole too. I still had that in me, but it wasn't as bad.

"Its fine, you were just spaced out." Mandy said and we walked to homeroom together, not really talking.

"Ew! It's gonna be 3rd marking period soon. Gross. We'll have music! Gross. I hope it's better than last year. That sucked." Mandy said while we were walking up the stairs together.

"Ugh, I know. But that's not for a month, so we can still enjoy Tech. Ed for the time being." I replied. Mandy and I had almost every class together, except for study halls Tuesday and Thursday third period (She had science third period) and math first period, I was in general math and she was in Pre-Algebra..

We walked into Ms. Fry's homeroom and sat down at our desks next to each other, in the very back, the desks were all pushed together so her and I got the last two, right next to each other. The other kids started to fill in and the announcements came on and I doodled mindlessly on my folder until the end when we could talk.

Two people walked in the room with a manila envelope. Mandy and I looked up, both reached into our pockets and pulled out money. I got up and walked to them and handed them the money.

"Eight" I said and they picked out eight cards and handed them to me and I shoved them in my binder while the bell rang and walked out to Jasmine's locker. I looked out of the corner of my eye at Mandy going to her Pre-Algebra class and she was staring at me. My heart did a double flip, and my stomach got butterflies. Everything fell from my mind except her.


End file.
